"Yes, You Can"

"That's Life" Coffee Shop is where I am right at this moment i'm writing this blog post.
It is one of my favorite secret hideout to just have a relax time while i still can look out to the window and saw the world as it's passing by.
The coffee shop itself doesn't popped out their whereabouts with a big name sign or such,
they only put a small glass of placard, with small white font on a small white wall, besides the door that it is hidden by the cars that parked in front of the place. Quite a hideout, right?
This is my second time being here.
First time i went and finally get to know this place was years ago. Some of my friends took me here and Voila.
I remember, at that time, i was still under 20 years old, and my friends are older, new friends if i must say at that time. Some group of friends that i know of that is completely a new zone. That was actually the first time i tried to hung out with a new zone of completely new friends. We didn't hung out anymore because they're practically busy.

This place just gave me a flash of feelings and memories.
The kind of feelings and memories about how great it felt to actually start a new things that you absolutely have no idea. A new kind of world.

I've been so scared about starting over, because i keep doing it, and failed. A lot.
And at this point, i am actually terrified to even stepping out of the room, even though i will eventually get bored and went out anyway.
Went out without any kind of protection, people could actually see the real me with their bare eyes.
I am openly vulnerable, and emotional and so unstable.
They could see me that i'm begging for their help, without even considering if they're gonna do me good or bad.


Yesterday,
I've met more of my breaking point.
And i was outside, i can't protect myself.
People noticed my breaking point.
And i cried.......


Hard.



I was complaining to God in my tears.
I keep saying, "Why is this happening to me, Lord? Why again and again? Why me? I can't do this. My head hurts, My heart hurts. I can't stand this. I can't go on."

I was trembling.
Shaking.
I'm out of breath.


Then i heard it.
A voice.


It says, "Yes, You Can!"
It didn't says anything else but that. On repeat.
"Yes, You Can! Yes, You Can! YES, YOU CAN!"

It finally calms me down.



I need to move on with my life.
I know it is gonna be hard.
Maybe harder than now.
And i know i probably won't figure out how for now.
But i just need to do it.

I..
NEED..
TO..
DO..
IT.


And i remembered,
A good friend of mine once told me,

ge (11/24/2008 11:21:34 AM): dulu ge sperti itu, ga usah tanya knpny, tp ge tetep bertahan, harus bertahan, ga slamanya ada di bawah, dan lihat skrg, ge survive, walopun ga ssusai yg di harapkan, tp setidaknya masih bisa untuk nyoba lg, kali ini dgn tekad bulat, pasti bisa, yakinkan itu dalam hati, aku bisa aku bisa harus bisa








Thank You, Lord, for always reminding me that you love me, endlessly.

ps. Thank you, ge. You will always be my candle.




Grateful,
A