02.13 AM : 030110

Living under your own shadow,
Nobody knows who are you and what are you looking for
Nobody seem to understand u for who u are,
They only see u and use u for their own good
And they manipulated u with bullshits and whatsoever they called it
But somehow I can see it clearly
That ure just an angel that on a mission and strucked down on this earth
Try to live this thing called life, but yet again, I see ur broken wings that kept u here among us
I wanna help u, ive been tryin to, but you seem too scared to reach out ur own heart to care of fixing urself
To go back where u belong,
To finished what ure searching for
Grab my hands and let me wash ur tears away
Let me fix and heal the bleed beneath
Trust me and I surrender my life to help u all the way
Im not perfect, but I kno what im capable with
Im not God, but I know that He send u to come to me
Because one thing u should kno,
That im a Wings
Made by broken things
Falling down to deepest bottom in the same cliff makes me stronger each time
And im sure ill be a good use for an angel that has touch the sky
If we were together, helping each other out, im sure youll fly high
so, will u trust me ?

I L L Y

You're like the smell of fresh brewed coffee in the morning,
Inside a semi-wooden modern kind of house, with a big ass windows.
And the view are all green and fresh,
You can even feel the morning dew on your bare skin from a far.
A little pond gave you a morning theme song with the sound of splashing waters from the dancing koi fishes.

It's the strong vibrant kind of feeling.
It's the reason why i can't stop talking to you overnight, and until the sun come out in the morning.
It's the reason i have a sleepless night, because i can't wait to wake up and open my eyes, and see you again.
It's the reason why i can't talk about you to everyone that i know of.
Because they will never understood.

And i want the world to know about it.
I want the world to know that you're my cup of Illy Coffee.
Just simply because of the letter Illy itself,

I Love Loving You.








Feeling out for a moment,
A

"Yes, You Can"

"That's Life" Coffee Shop is where I am right at this moment i'm writing this blog post.
It is one of my favorite secret hideout to just have a relax time while i still can look out to the window and saw the world as it's passing by.
The coffee shop itself doesn't popped out their whereabouts with a big name sign or such,
they only put a small glass of placard, with small white font on a small white wall, besides the door that it is hidden by the cars that parked in front of the place. Quite a hideout, right?
This is my second time being here.
First time i went and finally get to know this place was years ago. Some of my friends took me here and Voila.
I remember, at that time, i was still under 20 years old, and my friends are older, new friends if i must say at that time. Some group of friends that i know of that is completely a new zone. That was actually the first time i tried to hung out with a new zone of completely new friends. We didn't hung out anymore because they're practically busy.

This place just gave me a flash of feelings and memories.
The kind of feelings and memories about how great it felt to actually start a new things that you absolutely have no idea. A new kind of world.

I've been so scared about starting over, because i keep doing it, and failed. A lot.
And at this point, i am actually terrified to even stepping out of the room, even though i will eventually get bored and went out anyway.
Went out without any kind of protection, people could actually see the real me with their bare eyes.
I am openly vulnerable, and emotional and so unstable.
They could see me that i'm begging for their help, without even considering if they're gonna do me good or bad.


Yesterday,
I've met more of my breaking point.
And i was outside, i can't protect myself.
People noticed my breaking point.
And i cried.......


Hard.



I was complaining to God in my tears.
I keep saying, "Why is this happening to me, Lord? Why again and again? Why me? I can't do this. My head hurts, My heart hurts. I can't stand this. I can't go on."

I was trembling.
Shaking.
I'm out of breath.


Then i heard it.
A voice.


It says, "Yes, You Can!"
It didn't says anything else but that. On repeat.
"Yes, You Can! Yes, You Can! YES, YOU CAN!"

It finally calms me down.



I need to move on with my life.
I know it is gonna be hard.
Maybe harder than now.
And i know i probably won't figure out how for now.
But i just need to do it.

I..
NEED..
TO..
DO..
IT.


And i remembered,
A good friend of mine once told me,

ge (11/24/2008 11:21:34 AM): dulu ge sperti itu, ga usah tanya knpny, tp ge tetep bertahan, harus bertahan, ga slamanya ada di bawah, dan lihat skrg, ge survive, walopun ga ssusai yg di harapkan, tp setidaknya masih bisa untuk nyoba lg, kali ini dgn tekad bulat, pasti bisa, yakinkan itu dalam hati, aku bisa aku bisa harus bisa








Thank You, Lord, for always reminding me that you love me, endlessly.

ps. Thank you, ge. You will always be my candle.




Grateful,
A

04.30 AM

"Funny, Isn't it?
How 3 days somehow felt like forever, but forever doesn't seem to be enough."


and then, it whispered "Good Night".
But it kept you awake, it tingled in your ears.
And as the sun begin to rise,
the words also begin to kiss your eyes.
Your heartbeat starting to beat slowly,
and your mind sang a beautiful lullabies.




I've been in love with moments.
A passion for it.
Even though some of them are killing me and eat my soul out, I wont regret.
And as the day goes by,
the wind felt like whispering me things.
Answers.
Questions.
Thoughts.
Memories.
Moments.
and...

Truths.







Awake,
A

Coffee In An Alleyway

A dark grey sky

One cloudy afternoon

A moment where Castor and Pullox decided to meet each other up.

Not to say Hello or to catch up with each other stories,

But to argue.

A part of you felt like they've torn you apart

And you’re continuously being numb

Your bare skin felt like a carved trees

With too many carvings in it

You begged,

“Please, make it stop. Make it go away!”

And you wished for someone to get you out of it

But no.

You’re alone.

A tear becomes a drug to you

You keep coming back for more

Like there’s no sunshine for tomorrow

And with you being tired, weak and small..

A prayer has been made.